The Builder and the Editor
One of you is hard on the problem. One of you is hard on themselves.
How a Builder and an Editor carry hard things together: where you’re good, where it rubs, and what to say.
Find out which you areAbout a minute of quick taps. Then send it to them.
Where you’re good together
You both have high standards and you both follow through. Together you do excellent work.
Where it rubs
A fix offered to the Editor sounds like ‘you did this wrong’. The Editor’s self-blame looks like a problem the Builder can’t solve.
What helps
The Builder names one thing that went right, specifically, before anything else.
A Builder might say
“One thing went really well today, and here’s exactly what it was.”
An Editor might say
“I don’t need it fixed. I need to hear I didn’t get it all wrong.”
Loving each other
If you love a Builder
- If you just want them to listen, say so in words. They’ll switch gladly once they know.
- Tell them plainly when they’re running themselves into the ground. They won’t notice on their own.
If you love an Editor
- Say feedback plainly and once. They’ll hear it louder than you meant it.
- When they brush off a compliment, say it again anyway.
The two of you
The Builder
When everyone else is falling apart, you’re making the list. “People think you don’t feel it. You feel it. You’d just rather do something about it.”
The Editor
You notice what could be better because you care that it is. “People think you’re hard on them. You’re a hundred times harder on yourself.”
Share it
For the Editor to your Builder, or the Builder to your Editor.
More pairs
Penny isn’t a therapist or an emergency service. Urgent help: call or text 988, or call 911.